Welcome back.

I cannot make sense of the world right now. I'm in this weird limbo, that at this point, I feel is my responsibility alone. I have brought myself to this place, out of love, out of fear... loneliness.

First of all, what the fuck happened to me over the last years?

You ever feel like you have no idea how life is to be lived, what it's purpose is, where you fit in relation to the rest of the world around you? That's how I feel now. It's odd, it is not feeling suicidal, not at all. That would take too much energy hahaha. No, seriously, I don't want to cause worry. I have no urge to off myself, energy or not. I just kinda feel like if I didn't have the few strong connections to other people in this world - I might just want to disappear. To walk off into the woods or something.

Writing that I realize this is just a 'feeling' that has little to do with reality. Walking off into the woods would leave me energized probably - and hungry :D

Still, as I walk through the days - far enough from those woods - it feels like I could just vanish.

I was at a wedding recently, and had no one to dance with so I left. It was perfect, all.. literally ALL of my friends were with their wives or girlfriends, so when the dj said: " go get someone to dance with " I took the opportunity to slip into the night and back home.

Last 2 years I had a girlfriend. I did, though there is little evidence to back me up. I was in, for lack of a better term, a long-distance relationship. Let's call her Suzanne.

What is love, Suzanne?