and another thing.

Like realistically, is there anything I could do to make it happen with Suzanne? No.

If she reached out to me, I think there would be room for reconciliation. I know that a few moments in her presence, under those conditions, and I would be smitten again.

Fact is I really think it is unhealthy to be waiting.

ALSO:

I have had women show interest in me recently, I am not at all interested lol.. I don't have the heart.
I did relaunch my OkCupid! account almost right away. It is a safe way to feel like a man again. Women almost never contact you, but the system on OkCupid is always chugging away - suggesting matches.

Let me say this before I continue. I was very unhappy for 3/4 of the time I was involved with Suzanne these last 2 years. Why I think it could be different is inexplicable to me, but undeniable...

SHE WAS GOING TO KNIT ME A SCARF BUT I'M 99% SURE SHE GAVE IT TO HER EX, ALL WHILE PROMISING ME A FUTURE!

There, all caps is what it is going to take then ok.

FUCK!