So I waited a bit,I now present my 1st reply to the apple of my pie:
Very honoured Natalya so nicely to hear from your message.
Here are some details regarding myself. I am 30 years old, guess what? my birthday am the same as yours! ! On 17 October!!, how to amazing that one is! ! ! It is certainly a beautiful day! I was married in the past, but my wife, who died in a train accident, by traveling by the United States. It occured 6 years ago now, and I have placed it behind me. My cat, is baptized Janie, by the name of her. It was a difficult time, but the inheritance permitted me to travel in the world and to learn many new things. I have to drive pleasure ski, and play badminton, my preferred card game is Cribbage, you me will often find to play Cribbage at the old people house where I volunteer on weekends. I think you look very pretty in your dancing dress, do you like to do foxtrot or the manhattan? I learned many of these old dance from a class I took in Carcassone, France, years ago. I would love to hear about your dancing and see more pictures. I am more of a salt tooth than a sweet tooth, I enjoy eating fine meats and brandies. Where did you get such a lovely name as Natalya? My wine cellar is huge. I hope you are well, I must tend to my bonzai, your friend, Magnus.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
saw a fox
I saw a fox on my way home from work, I have to admit I was just the slightest bit jealous. It darted past me as I took my short cut. I'm sure no one posts on it's blog either... what a lovely coat, and me in this ratty old thing
It was headed to the school yard. When I walk to work in the mornings I see a group of about 4-5 kids smoking on the path I take, the late bloomers I guess... Once one of them almost spat on me, cause I move pretty quietly and he wasn't looking. Another time someone had spat onto a thin layer of sand on the sidewalk, the sand got pushed up on the edges and looked like an elk's head in relief.
Saw a video about the underground vogue scene in new york and the lady they were interviewing said she used to hang out with kids who would roll up on other houses (which are vogueing gangs) with lye in mayonaise jars and throw it on them fools.
I had a cool dream a week ago that I was part of the kids in the hall and we were writing some really funny sketches, me and kevin mcdonald were laughing so hard that it hurt our stomachs really badly.
There is a strobe light and a fencing epee in my room.
It was headed to the school yard. When I walk to work in the mornings I see a group of about 4-5 kids smoking on the path I take, the late bloomers I guess... Once one of them almost spat on me, cause I move pretty quietly and he wasn't looking. Another time someone had spat onto a thin layer of sand on the sidewalk, the sand got pushed up on the edges and looked like an elk's head in relief.
Saw a video about the underground vogue scene in new york and the lady they were interviewing said she used to hang out with kids who would roll up on other houses (which are vogueing gangs) with lye in mayonaise jars and throw it on them fools.
I had a cool dream a week ago that I was part of the kids in the hall and we were writing some really funny sketches, me and kevin mcdonald were laughing so hard that it hurt our stomachs really badly.
There is a strobe light and a fencing epee in my room.
in one disowned city
My plan is to use the Babel fish translation website to add some 'mystery' to my message to that dearest of my dears. Here is a sample I just threw out there:
"Dear Natalya, I am so glad to hear back from you. I know what you are saying about being alone, I live alone too. A stranger in a strange town."
English -> Dutch
Dutch -> French
French -> Italian
Italian -> English
"Better Natalya, is therefore happy for meaning to speak it about you. Me weet that that only says to you on he is only also, screw me. One foreign in one disowned city."
Weet is Dutch for 'know', neat. Screw me indeed.
Image from the BBC tv version of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
My Russian Bride
"George says:
I'm gonna have my own paris hilton video
George says:
me eating triscuits and playing wow shot in 'night vision mode'"
So as you all know I have a russian stalker who sent me two messages over the last week and clearly wants to get her hands all over my wallet. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Slavs.
Anyway, I am waiting for her to contact me again before I send her the money it would cost to fly out here, after all her parents are both dead!
Who tells you that? When you first talk to them, within the first paragraph... not only that but she tells me how long ago they died! Like I care, look, as long as they aren't around to mooch off my wealthy estate, allowing me to dote more completely on my lovely russian dancing queen, I'd be pleased as punch.
It makes me wonder... how come I haven't reached out to the mail order bride industry yet? That time is now, seize the day etc!!!
When I was thinking of teaching english in Korea the thought of taking advantage of my height and westerness to score big time was less a selling point and more of a reason to be wary, but now I see the error of my ways. I know better now, what I really need to do is move to Nigeria and marry a princess, therby inheriting the princedom and all the money that I can't touch without YOUR help dear friends.
The real cause of all this distress comes from the culture of the pay to play online dating site. The only people I'd care to meet wouldn't pay, and the only people willing to try and scam the system (the ones that are obviously the real 'catch') are also the ones desperate to sweetype you for your westjet money.
All in all I'd be better off hitting up the local jewish singles mixer... a mitzvah indeed. Maybe I should invite my russian sweetheart to come with, she could pinch a wallet or two while I salt the ol' mine.
"George says:
clearly i now realise I need to respond to this russian mystery woman, it's too funny
George says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_scam"
All black and white photos by Maksim Dmitriev circa 1890.
I'm gonna have my own paris hilton video
George says:
me eating triscuits and playing wow shot in 'night vision mode'"
So as you all know I have a russian stalker who sent me two messages over the last week and clearly wants to get her hands all over my wallet. What can I say, I'm a sucker for Slavs.
Anyway, I am waiting for her to contact me again before I send her the money it would cost to fly out here, after all her parents are both dead!
Who tells you that? When you first talk to them, within the first paragraph... not only that but she tells me how long ago they died! Like I care, look, as long as they aren't around to mooch off my wealthy estate, allowing me to dote more completely on my lovely russian dancing queen, I'd be pleased as punch.
It makes me wonder... how come I haven't reached out to the mail order bride industry yet? That time is now, seize the day etc!!!
When I was thinking of teaching english in Korea the thought of taking advantage of my height and westerness to score big time was less a selling point and more of a reason to be wary, but now I see the error of my ways. I know better now, what I really need to do is move to Nigeria and marry a princess, therby inheriting the princedom and all the money that I can't touch without YOUR help dear friends.
The real cause of all this distress comes from the culture of the pay to play online dating site. The only people I'd care to meet wouldn't pay, and the only people willing to try and scam the system (the ones that are obviously the real 'catch') are also the ones desperate to sweetype you for your westjet money.
All in all I'd be better off hitting up the local jewish singles mixer... a mitzvah indeed. Maybe I should invite my russian sweetheart to come with, she could pinch a wallet or two while I salt the ol' mine.
"George says:
clearly i now realise I need to respond to this russian mystery woman, it's too funny
George says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_scam"
All black and white photos by Maksim Dmitriev circa 1890.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
beige and other colours make me relax
So if you were following the events of myself being contacted on the onion personals ( see two posts ago ) I have an update for you:
I decided to go ahead and contact this cinderellagirrl because I appreciated the work she put into imbedding her email secretly into her message... So I replied to that email through my rarely used safe for spam email account by saying something like "I like codes and cyphers and stuff, am I talking to the right person? -Messaged"
I got a reply, including these two pictures, and this message:
Hello !How is your day?
Now I would like to tell you some more details about myself. I'm 24.
My birthday on October, 17, my name is Natalya. I never got married
and I live alone!My mother has died 5 years ago, my father has died 3 years ago! At me did not remain relatives! Since I graduate from
college I have been working in children's hospital. When I have spare
time I go the gym to do sports because I take care of my body, also I
like to dance! . I like to travel and visit different places, but my
work does not allow me to do it frequently. I have many friends, we
spend the time together, play billiard, tennis, and have other
entertainment. I don't have many pics myself, but I try to find some
more pics. I send you my picture so you can an idea of me more
closely. I want to confess to beeing a sweettooth , I like ice-cream,
cakes, candy. But I can allow it seldom because not to be fat. What
else can I say to you about myself? I love beautiful clothes and
different things of light colours. Light-blue, pink, beige and other
plain colours make me relax and even feel better. And what is your
favourite colour? Please Ask me some more interesting things about
yourself. How do you prefer to relax? What is your character? What is
your preferable qualities in women? Do you want to have a wife? You
can also ask me questions in what you are inetrested in. I impatiently
wait for your letter and eager to answer all your letter. And of
course it will be pleasant for me to receive your new photos and even
want to learn about you some more information you. Write to me, I
wait. Your friend Natalya.
****
I went back to copy over the message I got on the Onion but this is what greeted me:
System notice: The body of this message has been removed as this member appears to have been abusing our terms of service. By blocking this member's message, we reduce the incentive for future abuse and thereby provide a better overall experience for our members - we apologize for any inconvenience.
*****
So I guess this is some kind of a Nicole Kidman in "Birthday Girl" kind of scam.. I think it may have been brought on by one of my profile answers:
Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier.
a fake russian accent is sexy; an undeniable physical attraction
is sexier
****
So now I wonder if I should respond to this email and try and string this along some more or not...
I'm going to go with not.
new mix
well it's almost time to send this one out to the press, the new compilation is just about ready, "rappin with the gods while soul claps hands" is all 60's and 70's soul music that goes out to all the lovers out there, the lonely lovers, those in love, out of love, with loved ones overseas, with ex lovers at their side, with dreams of love, or those like me who think women are nuts but would fall for one if given the opportunity, love is the word...
here's the original cover art which was changed after some legal wrangling
[url]http://www.sendspace.com/file/5j8ibc[/url]
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
the old short shrift
I went to the bar in the building where I work on monday to celebrate
There was a work party somewhere on the other edge of town which I had decided not to attend. The reason for this was simple, I don't get along with the people I work with, there is no kindred spirit among the 10 or so people I've spoken to and the thought of getting wasted with them made me think I might do something that would label me as the 'guy who did that thing' for the rest of my working career at this place... not so much that I would care what they think, but that it would throw off my current modus operandi at work which is to be as unobtrusive as possible... so far I think I'm known as the guy who leaves the room to get water a lot, which is where I want to be... I should add that lately I've been getting coffee...
now I've met what I feel like are more than enough kindred spirits in my life, a good 3 or 4 that I would list off hand, the take a bullet for types, but that's more a dramatic flair and sense of purposelessness rearing it's head.. let's say the convince the gunman that the cash is enough types... anyway... so I didn't expect anything more from a job in edmonton with a bunch of video game nerds like myself...
So I went to the bar and had a sandwich and three pints and it came up to 19.85... I was feeling good, I had been working on a drawing of Bolzano for Mark for a couple of hours while listening to the habs game, habs won, and I also just heard about some more illustration work to do with indyish.com that is gonna be easy and a chance to use the wacom, so I was in the mood to give the local beauty working as my waitress a nice tip, 5 dollars worth of nice tip, this proved to be a mistake... I have 40 bucks, two twenties, and I give her one twenty and ask for change, while holding the other 20. She gives me 3 five dollar bills and then starts fishing around in her change purse thingy, I say nah don't worry about it and hand her the other 20.
So I sit there and put the placemat drawing into my bag and am putting on my scarf (it is snowing in edmonton these days) when little miss waitress comes back with a dumb look on her face, she now appears to me as someone who is drinking away a certain amount of pain, all the while trying to serve a bar that was pretty busy for a monday night... (oilers game and monday night football)...
She claims I gave her a twenty and she gave me 15 back and where is the rest of her money, she only has one twenty on her person she claims and therefore i must have been trying to scam her, I protest, explaining that I have no twenty on me, I double check my breast pocket and yes, the 40 bucks is gone and 15 remains... by her logic she must be trying to scam me, I imply this without saying so... I tell her "Well check again, I'm sorry but I'm not paying you twice" and she kind of resigns, and moves back to her cash, I look around the table and take my time leaving, like a true scam artist would I guess? She shoots me a withering gaze... She's pretty, but pretty boring looking, cut and pastey, and she's drunk and can't manage her purse... I'm drunk too but walk out of there still happy... See either way I have some advantage over the situation, either I am the expert con artist and short grift man I used to admire so much in my late teens, or she is wrong... and I'm listening to a soul mix that I'm almost done making, I walked home, got some wine and played warcraft...
Oh the other thing is that now I have a reason not to go back, either they blacklisted me or I blacklisted them, I'm just glad to know where I stand vis a vis overpriced booze and a crummy sandwich..
There was a work party somewhere on the other edge of town which I had decided not to attend. The reason for this was simple, I don't get along with the people I work with, there is no kindred spirit among the 10 or so people I've spoken to and the thought of getting wasted with them made me think I might do something that would label me as the 'guy who did that thing' for the rest of my working career at this place... not so much that I would care what they think, but that it would throw off my current modus operandi at work which is to be as unobtrusive as possible... so far I think I'm known as the guy who leaves the room to get water a lot, which is where I want to be... I should add that lately I've been getting coffee...
now I've met what I feel like are more than enough kindred spirits in my life, a good 3 or 4 that I would list off hand, the take a bullet for types, but that's more a dramatic flair and sense of purposelessness rearing it's head.. let's say the convince the gunman that the cash is enough types... anyway... so I didn't expect anything more from a job in edmonton with a bunch of video game nerds like myself...
So I went to the bar and had a sandwich and three pints and it came up to 19.85... I was feeling good, I had been working on a drawing of Bolzano for Mark for a couple of hours while listening to the habs game, habs won, and I also just heard about some more illustration work to do with indyish.com that is gonna be easy and a chance to use the wacom, so I was in the mood to give the local beauty working as my waitress a nice tip, 5 dollars worth of nice tip, this proved to be a mistake... I have 40 bucks, two twenties, and I give her one twenty and ask for change, while holding the other 20. She gives me 3 five dollar bills and then starts fishing around in her change purse thingy, I say nah don't worry about it and hand her the other 20.
So I sit there and put the placemat drawing into my bag and am putting on my scarf (it is snowing in edmonton these days) when little miss waitress comes back with a dumb look on her face, she now appears to me as someone who is drinking away a certain amount of pain, all the while trying to serve a bar that was pretty busy for a monday night... (oilers game and monday night football)...
She claims I gave her a twenty and she gave me 15 back and where is the rest of her money, she only has one twenty on her person she claims and therefore i must have been trying to scam her, I protest, explaining that I have no twenty on me, I double check my breast pocket and yes, the 40 bucks is gone and 15 remains... by her logic she must be trying to scam me, I imply this without saying so... I tell her "Well check again, I'm sorry but I'm not paying you twice" and she kind of resigns, and moves back to her cash, I look around the table and take my time leaving, like a true scam artist would I guess? She shoots me a withering gaze... She's pretty, but pretty boring looking, cut and pastey, and she's drunk and can't manage her purse... I'm drunk too but walk out of there still happy... See either way I have some advantage over the situation, either I am the expert con artist and short grift man I used to admire so much in my late teens, or she is wrong... and I'm listening to a soul mix that I'm almost done making, I walked home, got some wine and played warcraft...
Oh the other thing is that now I have a reason not to go back, either they blacklisted me or I blacklisted them, I'm just glad to know where I stand vis a vis overpriced booze and a crummy sandwich..
Monday, November 5, 2007
lazy business
I wonder sometimes about the difference between act and thought, and if thought has any value in relation to act.
It came up when I responded "indeed" to Darcy on msn. I saw "in deed".
Action
Reaction
Inaction
Indeed
Word is bond
Word is born
(that is a poem!)
I was chatting with Darcy about how we hadn't talked in a while, and he promised to call me soon. It's been a while, and he has a lot on his plate as it were.
What's on my plate?
A bad diet. I have seemingly replaced my enjoyment of the "total fuckdown" through weed with a "total fuckdown" of poor eating habits. Man's self destructive side astounds me.
It's like I need to be commiting things that I feel are wrong in order to feel correct. Now who the hell does that?
I don't know, I can't read your mind.
Still, indeed, it was a moment I decided yesterday night to try and eat well. I should add that I am pretty chubbed out these days, relatively speaking. So there's a visual inspiration every time I stand near the mirror, or wear my tight pants.
What else?
I got a cryptic message from someone through the onion personals with her email in code form. You can't send a message without paying, if you are a guy, and if you do send a message they monitor it to make sure you don't just exchange emails and instead continue using their pay to play system... First message I've gotten. She lives in Toronto, and I would hardly respond except for the novelty and safety of it all. But is that even a good reason?
Her name is Cinderellagirrl
lol
Oh my name is ___________, which made sense when I was drunk and signed up... now, not so much...
Why even sign up for such a thing?
Well, for me, it is to make the measure of myself, what I would say, how I would describe myself, given a set of defined questions about myself how would I answer them... my favorite question/answer combo was this: "where do you see yourself in 25 years? Celebrating the 25th anniversary of answering this question." (which is funny, and if you haven't heard mitch hedberg, might seem somewhat an original answer...) To actually contact someone else? Nah hahah
Next time maybe I'll get a friend like one of you loyal readers to fill out the questionnaire for me,
I'm reminded of an old drug dealer of mine who has sex all the time through one of these sites. He's a good guy, but very different from me.
Gigi met a nice guy recently who just stepped to her at a cafe. I will never be that guy, stepping to your girl in public, who does that?. Though I do love the souls of mischief song "step to my girl"... I think I'm going to go listen to it, after I eat this healthy food.
It came up when I responded "indeed" to Darcy on msn. I saw "in deed".
Action
Reaction
Inaction
Indeed
Word is bond
Word is born
(that is a poem!)
I was chatting with Darcy about how we hadn't talked in a while, and he promised to call me soon. It's been a while, and he has a lot on his plate as it were.
What's on my plate?
A bad diet. I have seemingly replaced my enjoyment of the "total fuckdown" through weed with a "total fuckdown" of poor eating habits. Man's self destructive side astounds me.
It's like I need to be commiting things that I feel are wrong in order to feel correct. Now who the hell does that?
I don't know, I can't read your mind.
Still, indeed, it was a moment I decided yesterday night to try and eat well. I should add that I am pretty chubbed out these days, relatively speaking. So there's a visual inspiration every time I stand near the mirror, or wear my tight pants.
What else?
I got a cryptic message from someone through the onion personals with her email in code form. You can't send a message without paying, if you are a guy, and if you do send a message they monitor it to make sure you don't just exchange emails and instead continue using their pay to play system... First message I've gotten. She lives in Toronto, and I would hardly respond except for the novelty and safety of it all. But is that even a good reason?
Her name is Cinderellagirrl
lol
Oh my name is ___________, which made sense when I was drunk and signed up... now, not so much...
Why even sign up for such a thing?
Well, for me, it is to make the measure of myself, what I would say, how I would describe myself, given a set of defined questions about myself how would I answer them... my favorite question/answer combo was this: "where do you see yourself in 25 years? Celebrating the 25th anniversary of answering this question." (which is funny, and if you haven't heard mitch hedberg, might seem somewhat an original answer...) To actually contact someone else? Nah hahah
Next time maybe I'll get a friend like one of you loyal readers to fill out the questionnaire for me,
I'm reminded of an old drug dealer of mine who has sex all the time through one of these sites. He's a good guy, but very different from me.
Gigi met a nice guy recently who just stepped to her at a cafe. I will never be that guy, stepping to your girl in public, who does that?. Though I do love the souls of mischief song "step to my girl"... I think I'm going to go listen to it, after I eat this healthy food.
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